Today we combine Self-reflection with some of my "memoirs" before and from my Philippines times. Bring your own too :) Our personal stories help relate to more abstract matters, like Leadership and how the Mind works and how Character is shaped.
We all have certain events or periods in our Lives that shape us to a greater than usual degree. Learnings crystallise and accelerate.
This was a time for me at the beginning of my career when I learned to clearly distinguish observed unacceptable Leadership patterns from the ones I believed to be worthy examples to be followed and applied. The difference was very clear when faced with them represented in distinct personalities.
With experience we can more clearly recognise these differences in the behaviours we encounter and externalise – through increasing Awareness and Self-awareness.
"How not to lead"
Probably from early on we are able to observe behaviours in our surroundings, in authorities, in work later on, that we attribute to undesirable traits.
Some we unconsciously internalise. We will recognize it in others, but not in ourselves.
We can identify them through introspection, because these behaviours will often be very triggering for us.
Then we either remain unaware and continue to exert destructive patterns and become the Leaders we didn't really want to be, or try and learn to consciously get rid of these undesirable traits. We can also use highly effective Subconscious Re-programming to rid our Mind from limiting patterns.
We surely learn to determine for ourselves "how not to lead", because we know through our own stories how harmful traits combined with any kind of power position can become a destructive force.
You will have your own list of traits you either
don't want to embody or want to improve yourself from.
My description of them usually starts with "lack of...", as in: lack of Awareness, lack of Integrity, lack of care, lack of responsibility, and then arrogance, insensitivity and so on. Somehow we all can see the type of personality we are describing here. The type without a strong Moral Compass, possibly very low EQ, even if average or high IQ.
Then again, I don't see the world as "good guys" and "bad guys" (doing my best to stay detached from and be constructively critical towards media hype, fairy tale and Hollywood stereotyping).
I suggest – if we want to use any kind of navigation system – the scale approach that may be more fitting and adaptable to our realities.
We then find ourselves somewhere on a scale, as a blend of
desirable, useful, noble traits and those that aren't so much.
Our position on this scale improves as we evolve.
Whether it is examples in our personal stories or we look at the global stage to learn about the representation of Leadership types, we will measure what is desirable and undesirable by our individually tuned gauge.
Most often our Core Values, how much they are honoured or when we feel they are disrespected, will direct our choices.
All the situations that made us feel "less than", undervalued, bullied, insulted, present an opportunity to us to learn: which of our Core Values do we feel are hurt in them?
Personal Freedom? Autonomy? Are we recognized for who we are in that situation? Is our invested effort acknowledged? Is there sufficient – for us acceptable – level of respect? Is there mutual respect?
Now imagine that you would be the Leader in that situation and someone felt coerced by you, even if you weren't conscious of it.
How can you become aware of your behaviour's impact? We will look at more #Selfreflection questions in the end.
The most negative example I remember was with someone who I felt intimidated by. There were obvious differences in what we thought was decency or respect and how we treated people. I couldn't understand the level of latent cruelty, because I personally couldn't relate to it.
I also felt I wasn't in a power position to question it, plus it was most likely due to a lower level of Confidence on my side that I did not feel I could stand up against such oppressive behaviour.
Even if our surroundings condemned the manager's actions in the background, in the end my moving away from the situation was the result.
I needed to work through how to detach myself more emotionally, in order to better understand later on why I felt so helpless and "not myself" at the time.
As we grow our Self-belief through Life experiences, we are able to much better handle such variety of situations, detect earlier the signs of misalignment and integrate the aligned elements.
In the beginnings, as young adults, it can be still hard to recognize when to speak up and what is alright, where we are being clearly mistreated, where our responsibility lies for the outcomes and how we can move things forward in better ways.
How do we choose our response to coercive management?
What is aligned with our Character?
Where do we adapt or mimic and when do we confront and discern?
What is the best choice that not only keeps us safe, but which honours our own principles?
The negative example I described was before my Philippines times.
When I arrived there, I learned about radically different, empowering Leadership styles in business (both local and global) that helped me crystal clearly see how much it matters which approach we choose to support as Team members and apply as Leaders.
I learned how much it matters that we value genuine Trust flowing both ways and how empowering it is when we have
Leaders who care about our progress and Well-being.
Thankfully the new choice I was presented at that low point turned out to be one of the most rewarding decisions in my career: to take the leap, believe in my Leadership capabilities despite the previous rough times and take the job in Manila. Asia was anyway a part of the world I always wanted to explore, so it became a sort of showcase, like in the movies, to turn around a gloomy situation and help build an award-winning Team while expanding my perception of the world to more of one "global citizen". The support from an awesome Leadership Team, in an inclusive culture, including the Clients we partnered with on that project, were a great fuel to all that.
Assessing Leadership impact
With the for us not right kind of Leadership we can slip or erode, with great inspiring Leadership we can unfold and thrive.
When our Self-concept is solid and balanced, we won't be so much influenced by external factors. It still makes a great deal of difference who we are surrounded by and what kind of an example we represent.
We learn to appreciate genuine feedback from people who care and integrate the appreciation from others, and instead of allowing limiting (and often limited) views about us to determine what chances we are ready to take, hear also those voices around us who mirror our highly valuable attributes, the best part of our Character. Who see the best in us.
We learn to see the best and the greater potential in ourselves and others.
We learn to improve and thrive and support others to progress and thrive.
This is probably one of the most amazing empowering dynamics we can exercise as Leaders: expanding our perception of what is possible, of potential.
As we "grow into ourselves" over time, we may pick up certain missions.
One of mine I hone in these past 13 years is to represent the great examples I value and counteract the destructive forces present in various Leadership layers; to provide and contribute to inclusive forums where diverse views can be voiced and create an atmosphere of Empowerment.
Self-empowered humans who have a great sense of moral responsibility, who know to respectfully collaborate and appreciate differences, make not only better Leaders, but a better planet altogether.
What do you think about that idea?
How would you verbalise your views around this?
What kind of a Leadership impact are you planning to make?
Is there a gap between your current practice and your envisioned optimal?
Lessons learned and applied
When I drafted my thoughts around this experience, I listed the following main lessons:
Lesson #1
We can recover from being exposed to damaging managerial practices and
recover our Self-esteem.
Lesson #2
We can grow beyond the limited perception of how others see us; as well as embrace the expanded perception of those who see the greater potential in us.
Lesson #3
We can learn to recognize suboptimal and optimal traits regardless of someone's position in the hierarchy; that "seniority" does not equal Wisdom.
Lesson #4
Learning about ourselves helps us increase Self-empowerment and become better Leaders.
Lesson #5
Trust is a powerful Inspiration – the wind beneath our wings.
Both the Trust coming from within and without.
Lesson #6
Leadership is an everyday deed, its quality closely connected to the level of our Personal Growth.
As a conclusion to how we go through both negative and positive experiences, ones that shake or toughen us a little and ones that make us feel victorious and valued, both provide some kind of lessons.
They add nuance to our knowledge about human nature.
The most positive influences shall have a longer lasting impact.
How we feel about ourselves and the world will tell us what "positive influence" means to us personally. People who we maintain mutually respectful, valuable connections with, who see us through our Journey of Evolution and grow with us, will serve as mirrors of how far we have come and who we are today.
I have amazing people around me who are at the same time an Inspiration as Leaders.
We come to discuss how our level of Awareness plays a role in how we show up.
Let's see in this last chapter a Self-reflection exercise as we direct our attention to what we can observe outwardly and inwardly.
Outward and inward perspective
Outward
Beyond "wanting to fit in" and trying to adjust to forced expectations, what can you observe in your own externalised behaviour and the Leadership practice of others?
Inward
Are any of those coercive traits anywhere on the spectrum in your own behaviour and thought processes observable or unexpressed?
See what comes up today as you go through these points of reflection.
To explore the opportunity to work together
Reach out via message or head straight to the Coaching Session preparation form .
See you there! T.
Comments