This main Lesson I grabbed from my "Scotland Chapter 1" summary, focuses on Self-awareness practice around the Character trait of Resilience – the ability to cope well with crises and quickly recover from difficulties and setbacks.
Character-development is fundamental in Personal Growth.
Certain traits like Resilience, Adaptability, Courageousness, Grit, Integrity, Resourcefulness, Compassion, are core traits which increase our success in endeavours. Independently as well as in collaborations. They are part of the Character of ever evolving Leaders.
How you see this, how relevant you find these traits and how your Resilience expresses in your current concept of Self, will become clear through Self-reflection.
You can read original piece with all the major Lessons these past few years I compiled here:
Today's segments – simply click on a segment title to read what you are interested in most:
Choosing proactive Resilience enhancement.
Just like Adaptability, also Resilience is developed through experience.
Resilience has physical, mental, emotional, even spiritual dimensions.
It is a degree to which we are able to cope with challenges in Life and how successfully (wiser, smarter, stronger etc.) we come out the other end of them. Bounce-back ability.
How quickly and best we can recover from setbacks is not only a litmus test for the amount of experience, but the kind of mindset we have.
If we are going through various hardships in Life and we allow our Mind to keep us in a similar state of misery throughout – repeating unhelpful patterns resulting in stressful situations over and over – without a desire to draw any lesson from our situation nor the willingness to change, the following conclusion can crystallise: our mindset may be lousy at serving our best interest.
The simplest and probably most impactful representation of distinct kinds of mindsets is in Carol Dweck's renowned book in which she helps us grasp how Fixed versus Growth Mindset are revealed in behaviours.
I include a diagram from her book for illustration and to promote insight:
Growth Mindset is Life-transforming.
It is something that can actually help us transform our Lives for the better – from small daily decisions to large changes, our attitude to Life is expressed in it all.
We want to optimally combine the ability to face realities, assume the perspective of what reflects our current reality truthfully, have adequate emotional responses (neither despairing nor forcing positivity) and transition from acceptance to a forward-looking, forward-thinking, solution-oriented state with relative ease and clarity.
The stage of Acceptance shall be an important though not overbearing one.
Meaning: accepting the weight of our initial emotional responses and not sweeping them under the carpet – suppressing emotions tends to lead to repercussions where we experience their weight all at once and it may be much harder to handle them then –, while learning how much and how long is it best for us (individually) to stay in that state.
While practicing Acceptance, we can at the same time embrace the possibility of improvement. This assists us in progressing from "this is what things are right now" to "what can I do to improve this situation?". Growth Mindset in action.
We are binding realism with positive attitude in our individually optimal proportion.
We stop (or at least aim to minimise) wasting energy on complaining or blaming.
We learn to find back to our sources of Joy and Peace as a path to recovery from setbacks – meaning especially habits along with our social circle as wells of peaceful recharging to heartfelt laughter, anchoring us in turbulent times. Our ability to smile and laugh have the power of releasing constricted, pessimistic moods, Self-doubt, so we gain fresh energy and outlook to serve us well especially in tough Life periods.
You notice that clearly when you have an argument with someone and suddenly you say something you can both laugh about, how much tension is released instantly.
Crying is one of the great releasing valves of tension. Anger is another, at times highly destructive, option.
We can choose which one we prefer that feels best in the moment, considering which leaves us with results closer to ideal.
The point being that we don't build up stress and unexpressed emotions within.
We learn to communicate in the least eruptive ways, not harming ourselves nor our surroundings.
We get to understand how to regulate emotional responses, when to take a break and when to keep striving with sufficient energy reserves.
Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor who later on went on to found logotherapy, inspired many by his ideas as part of the first wave of positive psychology, like the following:
"A human being is never fully free from conditions. Be they of biological or psychological or sociological kind. But the ultimate freedom remains always reserved to ourselves. That is the freedom to take a stand to whatever conditions might confront us. How we react to the unchange of the conditions is up to ourselves.", "When we are no longer able to change a situation; we are challenged to change ourselves." and that "Our greatest freedom is the freedom to choose our attitude."
We can work proactively to consciously increase Resilience by way of making new choices, embracing unfamiliar situations and seeking learning, instead of passively enduring changing circumstances. We can practice having a better attitude and mindset.
Resilience, grit and Character.
Not a single skill, but a bundle of them.
I agree with the viewpoint that Resilience is not necessarily a single skill, but a bundle of skills in combination with certain enhanced Character traits.
The invitation here: whether you think of it as a single attribute or a blend, what are the qualities, ideas, habits, behaviours, traits you tie to Resilience?
Exercising Courage is part of it, in my personal experience. Not only in times of safety, but when doubt creeps in and starts a quicksand effect in our decision-making.
When it takes Courage from us to face our current reality and allow for the possibility of doing things differently and becoming our upgraded version of Self: one who can better deal with adversity.
If you take a look at how resilient people are usually described, the elements of this share will turn up: having a Growth Mindset, high levels of Awareness, sound social support; being able to effectively regulate emotions, knowing to harness the regenerative power of Gratitude and purposefully striving for excellence not perfection, among them.
We are essentially describing the characteristics of someone who we believe represents the essence of what being resilient is.
Tenacity or Grit have long been found at the core of personal success (since the age of Aristotle).
Grit is very much our sort of element here. Based on its definition it means: persevering towards long-term goals while overcoming challenges on the way there through resilience. That long-term goal in our work here is represented by Life Vision which we use to feed purposefulness – consciously aiming for Meaning in our everyday choices so that they fuel its realisation.
We choose to create our desired ways of living by honing our Character, picking contributing habits, harnessing Flow and practicing Awareness instead of just giving in to reactivity.
Grit, Resilience, Perseverance – rather than be entangled in any confusion related to various definitions, we can focus on how any input (all your resources including this post) contributes to our own understanding and Character-expression of them in our daily Lives.
In the recommended resources at the end I referred articles which can certainly provide potentially useful viewpoints on the correlation between Resilience, Grit and strength of Character.
Supporting social structures.
"Resilience is a team sport" (as articulated in this HBR piece).
That's something probably most of us can attest and relate to.
When our individual reserves of Resiliency are heavily tested, our social network can step in to nourish, support, encourage us. Even if we are highly independent, we are at the same time social creatures formed by human evolution.
When you observe in your day-to-day, it may be those seemingly small gestures we often take for granted which have the capacity to help us replenish in some way.
It is possible that we could do without many of them, and yet... they do contribute to our Quality of Life. We would miss them if they weren't there or once they cease.
There is a TED talk about the lessons from the longest (spanning over 75 years) study on happiness, delivered in the quite charming style of Robert Waldinger the director of the study. Although I reveal the key conclusion for our purposes, it's worthwhile to watch the ca. 12-minute talk for context and details of the following main lesson: good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
How much weight of stress I personally can carry I evaluate with an honest, ongoing internal review. To acknowledge when I truly need a break and when some form of support from Family, Friends, Mentors would do a great positive difference, were lessons along the way.
Learning to accept that strength does not mean we have to struggle in isolation until we are okay again, but it takes strength (and Courage you may say) to reach out and accept support even as much as a few encouraging words or sharing a comforting meal.
I do not believe that being resilient and accepting support are contradictory.
We choose our own attitudes and interpretations of the choices we make (remember how Growth Mindset shows up in these).
We are for good reason social creatures. We can do many things well independently, take pride in achievements, but are we truly ever alone in accomplishing anything – other than the incredible improvements we can make within the privacy of our Mind? Possibly our greatest achievement is then to harmonise internal evolution with external expression and relationships.
We influence and are influenced, support and are supported, inspire and are inspired.
We live on a planet interconnected more than ever before.
It doesn't need to take digital appliances to feel that we belong.
Family, whether biological or invited, Friends, peers, like-minded people, random ad-hoc interactions are gateways to build a sound social network.
The quality of experiences I find is infinitely better when we allow others or rather invite the ones who care, to participate in our Growth process.
They will tend to easier accept reciprocity: receiving our corresponding appreciation. It strengthens our bonding with our fellow humans on various levels.
It also creates a greater variety of learning, as we grow through different perspectives.
Empowering and Self-empowering.
Inner Peace.
Making Peace with our past versions of Self.
Our resilient Self can reach a new level of stability through this internal freeing process.
When we keep constantly going back to blaming and shaming ourselves for past events, our Self-image and Self-esteem become way too brittle to withstand longer or bigger pressure. The outcomes neither short- nor long-term could then approach our ideal.
Accepting our current version of Self isn't always an easy task. We can continuously find things we want to improve. This can fuel dissatisfaction potentially leading to Self-criticism. The idea here is to balance, and practice both Acceptance and acknowledging improvement areas as learning opportunities recognized by our naturally inbuilt desire for Growth.
What helped me with this was a thought that kind of became a soothing, centering mantra:
I'm always doing the best I can (past, present, future).
What helps with Compassion for others: everyone else is doing the best they can.
This thought can soothe our inner critic and any current Self-/blaming tendencies and anchor us in the Present Moment, because it is a simple revelation of the perimeters of our Awareness at any point in time.
The place we more effortlessly maintain our Inner Peace from can be a next aim: to become our own Best Friend. It is an idea promoted as a key element for Well-being.
It helps us steer away from highly ineffective moreover toxic internal dynamics and instead concentrate on best time, energy and attention investments, combined with Self-compassion.
To be productive and persevere, we don't need to beat ourselves up all the time and be harsh in tone. That approach can burn us out as well as burn bridges within and express in our external relationships.
If we are not good friends to ourselves, no amount of friendships with others would mend the damage we can cause to our Self in our time alone – in all our inner conversations.
At times, even if I've been doing this more concentrated inner work and increasing Awareness and intentionality for a few years now, it still happens that I don't notice when my levels of Self-compassion would need maintenance.
Even if I'm balancing impatience or dissatisfaction, I still need to consciously put in effort to appreciate achievements, not only focus on what I still want to improve.
We are working with our human nature and social conditioning here.
Stepping back a little from the screen, the daily routine – as if coming up for air from a longer scuba dive. Putting today into perspective. Respecting how far we have come.
This inner strength, the ability to balance our internal and external world authentically is an empowered state. This is how Resilience shall feel as we increase and master it.
Internal Locus of Control.
Internal Locus of Control is a delicate maneuver:
evaluating when external circumstance is useful, inspiring and empowering, and when it becomes a harmful negative attachment – while we simultaneously work on an ongoing basis on our independent evolution as free as possible from these influences.
As we navigate our realisations of what internal and external powers are at work and how we make sense of our position in them, we can gain an improved relationship to Power.
Through this work the results will show internally and externally.
When we learn to transcend fears and not cling onto control so much, when we learn to appreciate that differences are not existential threats in most cases, our external expression of our relationship to Power, in our Leadership, will show in more inclusivity, empowerment and understanding.
You can see the opposite of this playing out in autocratic power dynamics where Leaders are consumed most often by fears and reactivity, reaching for tools of oppression and violence to counterbalance internal insecurities. We shall watch out for these in the most minuscule mannerisms also in ourselves.
Through the work mission I chose, and leading by example, I'm working on supporting and developing Leadership that represents Growth-focus and dismantle destructive practices of Power via greater levels of Self-/Awareness. You can do that too.
As the concept of Julian B. Rotter formulates: Locus of Control is the degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces, have control over the outcome of events in their lives. We again speak of Self-empowerment and Self-belief here. We circle back yet again to our quality of Self-concept.
Within our Self-concept (I bring up the following three elements in Carl Rogers' definition regularly) there may be gaps between how we see ourselves today (Self-image) and how we would like to be (Ideal Self). How much we value ourselves (Self-esteem) will be essential in adequate measure, so that we commit to invest time, energy and attention into our Personal Growth and steadily progress towards our Ideal and a greater Internal Locus of Control.
The impact of increased Resilience.
Overall, the positive impact of an increased Resilience in a conscious Life I can describe as: much better handling of confusion and stress,
balanced emotional states (without mood swings),
more optimal energy distribution,
conscious-intuitive balance,
a deep sense of Meaning,
greater clarity for decision-making,
more consistent Flow.
For me the difference with more Resilience shows in how I respond to new, bigger challenges. It conveys its quality in my balanced mental-emotional state despite pressure and the exhaustion of Change.
All of what we discussed about Resilience today impacts how we define Success for ourselves. We won't fall into dwelling on perceived failures or rejection anymore. We utilise them as optimisation data, as one of my Mentors calls it. Our Self-esteem enhances in the process and together with Growth Mindset, they allow us to overcome any sense of defeat much faster, recognising it as a temporary condition.
Our response to crisis will be more clear, steady and effective.
Ever since I've been learning to increase these benefits in my own experience, I'm even more passionate about my choice of work mission. Its Value is confirmed in my everydays.
The positive effects increase and last, especially when we commit to maintaining our level of Resilience through optimal habits.
One of these habits is Self-reflection. The key to increase our Self-/Awareness for a more conscious and higher quality Life and Leadership.
Self-reflection.
I offer the following questions for today's Self-reflection practice:
(you can also download them for later revision if you like)
I bring all my learnings into my shares, reflection exercises, Coaching, so that my personal investments and revelations enrich not only my Life, but through my Work all your Lives too.
To explore the opportunity of working together
Reach out via message or head straight to the Coaching Session preparation form.
See you there!
T.
PS: recommended resources.
I like to recommend resources that can positively challenge our ways of thinking. So, even when I'm not fully agreeing with every element of their philosophy – or their reverence for certain Leaders whom I'm critical of because I believe they are causing damage via their position in power –, I found some value in them is why I share.
These articles might be fun and insightful (some with quite moving stories/case studies) reads on today's topic (click to read):
A Strong Character and Resilience: What's the Connection? (exploringyourmind.com) by Valeria Sabater
The Secret to Building Resilience (hbr.org) by Rob Cross, Karen Dillon, Danna Greenberg
Books and video:
A story about ultimate Resilience and the power of Human Spirit is Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning.
Shad Helmstetter's What To Say When You Talk To Yourself can be a revelation if you are grappling with destructive Self-talk.
How to Be Your Own Best Friend via Self-Talk (What to say...) - YouTube In this video Joseph Rodrigues combines these two powerful ideas so we can see how their application benefits us.
I always love to recommend the following four books regularly as well – they cover most of the recurring elements related to Personal Growth, Flow and the impact of your Mindset.
Stanford psychologist Dr. Carol S. Dweck's work is especially valued in the realm of Mindset work. Her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (How You Can Fulfil Your Potential) is an essential read and regularly referenced in this topic. Even if you just read a few pages (case studies) of this book, your perspective on what is possible may shift for good.
Stephen R. Covey The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change contains the concept of the Circle of Influence and other fundamental ideas that remain key pillars of Self-development.
Mihály Csíkszentmihályi Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience is all about how your level of Flow can optimally change your Life – what it is, how to access, maintain and increase it. The entire process is permeating my Coaching work and guidance to increase our Quality of Life.
Dr. Joe Dispenza Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One is a book about Consciousness, Mind-Body connection and is a scientifically backed up explanation that can convince even otherwise unpacifiable sceptics that we have the ability to change for the better – if we really want and decide to. This is a book for our bookshelf to be read and re-read, as we more and more integrate the knowledge we gain from it and start to deeply understand ourselves and human dynamics through it.
Adding a bonus one that seems fitting today's topic. It came recommended today from someone who is a regular source of replenishment through her work for me. The title of the book, I believe, speaks for itself: Todd Kashdan, PhD and Robert Biswas-Diener, Dr. Philos The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self – Not Just Your "Good" Self – Drives Success and Fulfillment.
Enjoy learning and evolving and
making your Quality of Life soar via this progress!
T.
Comentarios