Merging two lessons, since in nature they are so intricately interwoven: what matters most to us in Life and learning to deepen via habits our level of Gratitude for it all.
Seeing the context and entire web of our wants, needs, fears, doubts, overcoming, plans, goals, progress, wins, as well as honing the ability to zoom into the moment, into nuance. Appreciating the little bits and the great bits.
Appreciation is both an in- and outward expression of mindset, our attitude to Life and towards ourselves – an upgradeable capacity, in my experience.
Transcending conditioned worst-case-scenario-thinking, finding the learning and the potential benefit in events, is an innate ability we all can prioritise when responding to Life's quirks, dips, bumps, turns, wows and peaks.
A cornerstone to conscious living, Growth Mindset and Gratitude seem to go hand in hand. The higher degree of either is able to amplify the other.
Let us connect the daily choices (Habits, Gratitude) with the Big Picture (Life Vision).
Explore your current mindset, and ponder what is good as is, what needs to go and what you choose to change up. The invitation is to re-evaluate and optimise the foundation of your choices, so that it's aligned with your most important principles and who you are today.
So, what does matter most to you?
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Since this is a summary chapter – concluding the main learnings and finding our current pinnacle definition of Quality of Life – I'll refer to various previous shares if you want to deep-dive in certain elements. All sprinkled with #selfreflection questions, as always.
I trust you get good value out of them :)
Habitbuilding can feel like a blend of conscious effort to make better choices with good enough reasons that motivate us to keep going, and discovering where we revert back to autopilot behaviours and why.
I shared a 2-parter on habits last year with references and concepts that can prove to be very useful if you want to deep-dive into this topic specifically and apply them for real.
Both blog posts have a navigation panel on top where you can see the theme of segments, like: how to make the effort to change easier or how do habits work in general (tapping into the work of Ch. Duhigg and J. Clear).
Here today we shall take stock of some of our experiences with building habits and why it's worthwhile to invest time, attention and energy (possibly our most precious, linear and rechargeable, resources) into weeding out, honing, optimising them.
So that they do contribute to what matters most to us.
What shall your habits cultivate?
Well-being? What does Well-being and Quality of Life mean to you on any given day?
Love and contribution in all its various forms? Family, Friends, partnerships, communities?
Faith and Confidence in your Self, Values, principles and ideas you hold dear?
Mindfulness, being present, your ability to tap into Flow more so?
Mindset around our habits
In my personal experience we humans seem to be prone (and socially conditioned) to lean towards conscious habits of doing, action, accomplishing tasks.
With an unbalanced lifestyle we can end up with habits that are more subconsciously driven and albeit such phenomena can be labelled as "procrastination" for example, it may well be that we:
simply are overloaded with stuff that will turn out does not matter any more (filler activities born out of old, outgrown goals),
due to overdrive on action and burning batteries, reverted back to "survival mode" (see the bottom part of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs),
may not sufficiently discern the constant information stream,
may not have clarity about our Bigger Picture (we talk about that more in the last segment here) therefore
our daily goals might be hijacked by external expectations and other people's goals, because we do not prioritise our own Life's Values and Self-actualization,
and we possibly are intuitively craving more rest and recharge, more simplicity and less clutter of any form.
Although these days (and as a conclusion of the past 3 years) I notice more messaging around the importance of Balance for Well-being, but until it has become a more ingrained, we can say habitual, behaviour, I like to reiterate:
recharging, relaxing and rest are vital for a good quality Life.
Much of the research around Flow specifically have found that as well: Recovery is identified as the 4th step of the 4-stage Flow cycle. It is in essence a preparation phase for our optimal state and performance.
Taking a rest (physical/ mental/ emotional/ social break or all at once), reducing noise around, sitting down in the middle of the day to recharge even for 5 minutes can sometimes trigger feelings of guilt – maybe only at first, when we are practicing to be more consciously aware of the choices we are making.
You remember the Self-care mantra: "Fill your own cup first."
And also the notion that we cannot pour from an empty cup.
We can create islands of Peace throughout the day.
It really matters that we learn to value both the action and non-action part of human experience.
Next to Flow, ancient concepts like Wu Wei and Yin Yang point us in this direction too.
What is then Balance?
How do you define what is your personal Balance?
How does it look like at this stage of your Life?
How much have you adapted your habits to the changes you have gone through in recent years?
What habit can be let gratefully let go because it served its purpose at the time, but does not resonate any more with who you are and where you are at today?
What kind of habits make you curious and excited to try them out?
Which habits feel resonant with the lifestyle you choose to build going forward?
Are you willing to experiment with how they could add value to your Life?
They may not be optimal at first. But, practice makes progress.
And we shall learn to find fun in the experimentation as we adapt habits and ways of thinking to the ideal we steer towards.
All answers will come down fundamentally to how you perceive your Self and the world around.
Keystone habit: honing Perception
Some habits turn out to be highlights: they become our Non-negotiables.
We know that if we do them, many more areas of our Lives are positively impacted – in subtle or big ways.
In "Habits for a better Life Part 2" I shared examples for these "keystone habits" – as Charles Duhigg calls them in his book The Power of Habit – which seem to create stacked benefits:
Habitual thoughts and emotions are really precursors of our habitual actions, so we want to make sure we optimise those with priority. Growth Mindset, Mindfulness, Gratitude, practising being present, optimised Self-talk are habits that help shed misconceptions, bias, limits. They encourage a higher quality thinking which helps with higher quality Awareness and clarity for better choices.
Meditation, sufficient exercise in any form you love to do, healthy sleep patterns, good eating, decluttering, empowering Self-talk can all count into these habits.
However, the most impactful investment may be to hone our perception in, through and beyond all of these activities.
What does that mean?
Perception is our individual lens through which we interpret the world and assign meaning. We organise sensory data, filter them through our beliefs and fit them into mental categories.
When our mental filtering system is full of bias, fear-based distortions, limiting patterns, it will show in how we interpret the world. The more we clear these out, the more accurate or holistically authentic (whichever wording resonates more with you) our view of the world becomes.
Social-environmental conditioning can add many limitations subconsciously that we can now practice to identify and decide whether we want to get rid of them if they don't contribute well to our Lives.
We can use the simple scale of empowering versus disempowering information. In our observation we can place events, identified limiting beliefs on this scale depending on how they make us feel. Consciously we tend to prefer empowering ideas.
Discerning and prioritising are skills we can all hone. They will help us throughout.
We can realise that we have a choice to adopt lenses in our mental filtering, like "I can figure things out", "the world/Life/the Universe is inherently benevolent", "I can draw from my experiences to take the next step", "I can trust my Intuition or learn how to" and so on.
Look to apply your Growth Mindset, evaluate the results and adjust as best for you.
Growing Awareness of what actually resides in our Minds is probably a lifetime process.
Just like the maintenance of our faith in ourselves.
How do you perceive things, events, people?
What meaning do you give them?
How do you interpret information, sensory data, and how do you choose your attitude towards it all?
What do you discern by?
Are the Values you can discern and steer daily decisions by clear?
You can find a detailed exploration into the Subconscious in the blogpost: Making that 95% of your Mind work for you.
Keystone habit: induce, increase and maintain Flow
Another most impactful investment will be to implement habits which induce, increase and maintain Flow.
Healthy habits help also build Self-esteem.
Especially in times when things we are working on are just not fully ripened in the Success we envision YET (Notes: this word is an important empowering Self-talk element).
They are also helpful to amplify our levels of Confidence, since habitually doing what we know is good for us is a commitment to Self we are keeping - we act with Integrity therefore our internal Trust grows as well.
Keystone habit: Gratitude
Due to its profound positive and layered impact, Gratitude is not only highlighted today as a keystone habit, but we shall allow ourselves to ponder a little further about how we truly relate to it in the day-to-day.
Gratitude was a key element in my Personal Growth process. It helped heal grief over time, calibrate Growth Mindset and transcend certain deep-seated fears to be able to embark on new Adventures.
I recognised that it has become from a habit more a part of Self, from automated to autotelic. I don't need extra reminders necessarily for it (I do receive them subtly or obviously anyway), but it grants more depth to it when pockets of time, even a few mindful moments, are dedicated to it fully in the day.
Gratitude is an emotional state that inhibits negative emotions to arise or helps release them when any present. If you are in a state of deep Gratitude, your Mind cannot embrace negativity. These recognitions are not simply observations of psychological, but of neurochemical imprints in our amazing human machinery.
The neurochemical underpinning: this state produces feel-good hormones like oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin, which influence our mood and Well-being typically very positively. Research (UCLA, Berkeley) shows a grateful mental-emotional state does change the circuitry of the Brain on the long-term, when practiced habitually.
Amongst the many benefits are: you feel more grounded, happier, joyful, become emotionally more resilient, your immune system improves, so do your social connections and so on.
Gratitude is also a very helpful close to immediate impact tool for more extreme levels of stress. It helps to ground our energy and shift perception.
This perception shift can be far-reaching.
When you thought of what you are grateful for as you read the previous paragraphs, did you think in "things" only?
From our often very material social conditioning where we measure progress in tangible outcomes and if we can't see it or touch it, we may forget to tie Gratitude to those things that we maybe take for granted, are intangible, but which in the end can turn out to be to truly matter in Life. They add quality to the fabric of our Lives.
When we learn to integrate this perspective, our perception of Life will have an added, elevated viewpoint. As we plan our concrete and very much tangible goals, we will be able to hold at the same time the position:
"How does this add Value to the intangible priorities of my Life?"
and
"Are my goals in line with what I find important in terms of relationships, service, legacy and Self-actualization?"
#Innerwork helps us identify what truly matters – that's the basis of our habit choices, so that they reliably help realise our Life goals.
I share how Dr. Joe Dispenza, whose work incorporates meditation as the main tool to help reprogramme disempowering thinking and related behaviours, sums it up:
"We are who we practice to be. So if you practice gratitude, you'll be grateful."
He elaborates further in his book You Are The Placebo:
"Emotions like gratitude and appreciation open your heart and lift the energy in your body to a new place—out of the lower hormonal centers. Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotions for increasing your level of suggestibility. It teaches your body emotionally that the event you’re grateful for has already happened, because we usually give thanks after a desirable event has occurred. If you bring up the emotion of gratitude before the actual event, your body (as the unconscious mind) will begin to believe that the future event has indeed already happened — or is happening to you in the present moment. Gratitude, therefore, is the ultimate state of receivership."
To me in simple words what matters: holistically high Life Quality, Well-being, Life Vision based on Core Values, Personal Growth, Family, Friendship, learning companions, investing into experiences, contribution and positive Value-footprint.
Legacy. Self-actualized. Personal Freedom.
What is it for you?
Life Vision or lifestyle design is a way of exercising Consciousness.
Conscious living not being a mental-emotional exercise only, but practising embodiment of our Values, ideals, principles in the everydays.
I recall that living more consciously was one of the first resolutions I made when starting out to create this New Chapter. How it can serve as the best compass for decisions.
Asking questions like "How can I live a more conscious Life that is fulfilling and of high quality in all areas?"
While I understand that many of us wait until the realisation is really painful and it can involve a lot of dismantling before we build a New Chapter, it will be worthwhile to proactively seek positive Change.
As Tim Ferriss says: "Don’t save it all for the end. There is every reason not to."
The decision however is always ours. Noone can make it for us.
You will know best what matters most for you. At this time.
Then allow your answers to evolve together with you.
Since I crystallised Leadership Development as my personal work mission and you identify with being a Leader whether in a formal position or your personal Life, you may resonate with how I formulated a revelation:
All that you learn about yourself you can utilise in your Leadership to better understand, more wisely influence and empower the ones who turn to you for Inspiration and take example of you.
I trust that any part of this share helps you in your navigation of Self-discovery and building, incorporating Life-improving practices.
Enjoy the Journey!
I bring all my learnings into my shares, reflection exercises, Coaching, so that my personal investments and revelations enrich not only my Life, but through my Work all your Lives too.
To explore the opportunity of working together
Reach out via message or head straight to the Coaching Session preparation form.
See you there! T.
Recommended Resources
which helped me in my process of Wayfinding and improvement
Dr. Joe Dispenza Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One
H. García and F. Miralles Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life
Mihály Csíkszentmihályi Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience
Stephen R. Covey The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
Eckart Tolle The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
Shad Helmstetter What to Say When You Talk to Your Self
Tim Ferriss The 4-Hour Workweek
And some other greatly relevant ones for our themes:
Carol Dweck Mindset. Changing the way you think to fulfil your potential. This book is quoted by many others and is one of the most fundamental concept descriptions on Fixed vs. Growth Mindset and how they influence our level of Success.
Greg McKeown Essentialism. The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. About optimal energy investment for highest yield and disciplined thinking as a way of living.
James Clear Atomic Habits
BJ Fogg Tiny Habits
Charles Duhigg The Power of Habit. Why we do what we do in Life and Business. or Why we do what we do and how to change
A list of concepts that also helped me along the way with Self-discovery, discovering ways of Self-actualization and Life Vision building:
Lifebook
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Dilts' Logical Levels of Change
Hawkins' Consciousness Scale
Barrett's 7 Levels of Consciousness
Carl Rogers' three elements of Self-concept
Locus of Control (preferably tending towards internal L.o.C.)
Emmet Fox' 7 Days Mental Diet
Vishen Lakhiani's 3 Most Important Questions
Wu Wei (cultivated especially in Daoism)
Mindfulness (Power of Presence)
Joseph Rodrigues has been a Mentor and Inspiration on Entrepreneurship, conscious and Flow-based living through content, coaching and online live events. He has many useful videos on YouTube about some of these concepts.
For Flow study and research I recommend also Steven Kotler's work.
He has published findings like the identified 4 stages of the Flow cycle I mentioned above.
Stage 1: Struggle (frontend)
Stage 2: Release
Stage 3: Flow state
Stage 4: Recovery (backend)
Meditation and Mindfulness as practice and habit have many shapes and forms. I tried a great variety of them. Vishen Lakhiani's 6 Phase Meditation started me on my Meditation practice. My favourites, most impactful and unique ones: Jeffrey Allen, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Bob Proctor etc. I like also the ones where Mediation is combined with ASMR. It greatly relaxes the Brain into Alpha.
Dr. Joe Dispenza's work, based on neuroscientific research combined with epigenetics and psychoneuroimmunology, thousands of case studies, brain scans, live events, on how Meditation can change your Life is slowly but surely recognized as ground-breaking and revolutionary for our medical paradigms. If any of us is highly analytical, his explanations help overcome our mental barriers to have a better Life.
All the mentioned resources here have the capacity to help you with that.
Most of the questions in my first ever blogpost can still be very helpful in this entire process.
You can read it here if you feel called to: What does Coaching mean – and the Power of questions.
And you can read the original post with Main Lessons of the past few years compiled here:
Enjoy your Self-discovery and the Adventure.
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