Unawares we can cause much damage to our surroundings, to the people we care about. If we don't work on increasing our levels of Awareness, we do this without even noticing it.
Something that has come up in many conversations, and my own Journey as lesson, over the years: how balanced are we really and what are the signs that can help us recognize when we are destructive or hurtful to ourselves and others, because unawares we act out unconscious patterns, deep-seated fears.
The bigger issue with reactive behaviour is not only that we can hurt people around us, but it sets us back into a "victim mode" – this way we don't leverage the influence we have on our circumstances. Life happens and we react. Not ideal.
What can we do? Let's explore.
When unaware of it, too much in our head, stuck in negative thought loops, not applying Self-reflection nor listening to the feedback from our surroundings, not taking care of a balanced lifestyle that allows for a healthy mental-emotional state...
... the resulting behaviour can be: lashing out, taking an aggressive approach instead of seeking understanding, believing that we are being assertive and simply having a strong opinion (the "I'm right, you're wrong" mindset) while it's actually an unhandled fear governing our reactions, having mood swings and so on.
When I asked a Leader, my long-time Mentor whom I admire for his Character and principles, what is something he is most worried about in his Personal Growth context, he pointed out lack of Awareness.
Not everyone cares to improve themselves. At least not everyone is aware that they innately care while acting as if they don't.
At earlier phases in my Life I used to think that being straight forward in a harsh way is okay. I didn't mind or I wasn't much aware when I hurt other people's feelings. At the same time I was sensitive to things I perceived as personal attacks. That kind of approach can result in isolation, hurting great people who didn't do us any wrong and really, somewhat ironically, this way of looking at things hurts us even more.
REFLECT
That revelation was crystallised for me when I learned the notion:
"hurt people hurt people".
How true that can be. Are we aware of it? Are you?
With Life experience of course we get wiser. It doesn't need to mean that we simply wait getting older. We can choose to consciously work on our levels of Awareness.
We can choose to face our thought and behavioural patterns that simply don't serve us nor our surroundings.
When we are feeling down, stressed, unhappy etc. not in a temporary way - which is a natural human phenomenon -, but it becomes our personality, we can choose to change.
Sometimes we are only inside like that and don't show it or we are not aware that we are distracting ourselves from recognizing we are not okay.
REFLECT
Observe in yourself and your surroundings how that shows up.
Gauge where you are at now.
What can be the root causes?
How can you encourage positive Change?
Triggers can occur in many forms. The giveaway when we are negatively triggered is our emotional response that is out of proportion to the (surface) cause itself.
It can be a word, a topic, a behaviour, a tone that sets off an eruptive reaction that we feel (probably afterwards) we were not entirely in control of.
We can learn to take a breath right in the moment – when we feel our pulse quickening, anger rising –, before a gut reaction becomes unleashed.
We may not always succeed to stop that event unfolding.
In that case we shall reflect afterwards, what can be deeper layers to that trigger.
Later it may seem like a trivial thing. We wonder why we got upset about it.
At times it's a culmination of events that raises our stress levels, so we are less balanced in our responses.
When we take the time and effort to understand ourselves more. To be really honest with ourselves as we peel back the layers of experiences, we can find that we arrive at certain fears.
Maslow's pyramid is one of the many useful reference points when we want to find out the root causes of a behaviour we don't want to repeat.
When we feel our physical or financial safety threatened.
When we are worried that our reputation is at stake.
When it seems that we are isolated or our trust is broken.
When we don't value ourselves (unawares) and believe that no one values us.
Many excessive reactions can have a lack of Self-esteem in the background.
REFLECT
When recently you had a situation you reacted in a way that caused conflict – something that bothers you –, try relate your reaction to these reference points of the Maslow's pyramid, the Hierarchy of Needs.
What can be the real reason of your reaction?
What meaning did you give the event that occurred?
Our interpretations reflect our current level of Awareness and put a spotlight on our web of beliefs.
We can work with things and improve them once we bring them into our conscious Awareness. The alternative method is to transform ourselves via impressing the Subconscious in other words autosuggestion.
I wrote about Subconscious work in more detail in the following blog post: Making that 95% of your Mind work for you
Another essential element to our wiser and well-balanced responding to Life's events is our state of Well-being.
For good reason did I place my work into the context of Quality of Life; inducing and harnessing Flow, implementing and adjusting habits that support that optimal state and related practices that support better conscious choices result in way more harmony within, which then reflects in our expressions and relationship with the world around.
It certainly very clearly defines our Leadership quality.
REFLECT
You can simply prove that by observing how your overall mood shows up in your day-to-day.
How much balance is there?
How often do you have mood swings or inconsistent energy?
How much do you feel your Life's events are unfolding in ways you can influence?
How empowered do you feel? Is that a consistent or inconsistent state of mind?
What are the changes you want to make to improve your circumstances?
Have you clarified your Vision and Values that guide you in your choices?
When you decide to gauge where you're at, the Self-evaluation form can prove really helpful.
You can either keep it as your own #selfreflection material or submit it to me when you're ready to see whether we are a mutual match to work together - the aim is to find out what's the best for you at this time and whether I am your best choice of Coach, our Values aligned and your priorities in my area of expertise.
Your priorities may change over time.
What is currently most important to you, will (shall) drive your choice-making.
We address points how you can increase Awareness so that you become more conscious of what is not optimally working now (and why), learn how to experiment with ways of improvement, how you can shift perspectives and your mindset around necessary Changes
to evolve the quality of your Life and Leadership.
Habits, Flow performance, authentic Leadership practices, finding more Balance are key pieces to that.
Thank you for allowing me to be part of your Journey - whether here by reading and adding your ideas or messaging me or working with me.
All of these forms of connection and of bringing Value, are cherished by me.
Enjoy the Journey,
Tamara
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